Stress

What to say and what to do, I don't know.
I feel lose since I graduated.
My blue is not really because of jobless.
I want to take some rest because I know my body is getting worse and worse everyday, especially in this year.

Last September to December, because of my study, I kept traveled in almost all the art museum in NY and that is a lot of walking. For others, they possibly get used to and even think that is a piece of cake for them, but for me it is horrible. Well that was my study so I can't reject. My prof and friends took very good care of me while we go. At that time, even I felt hard but I still overcome it.

But from Janurary till now, my pain is increasing, especially lower back and hips. My ortho recommend me to have THR. Actually he suggested me last year already, I rejected because I want to finish my college education, but now I finished I still don't want to have it. I am not worrying about the pain, because I get used to it already.

Don't take the THR, first of all, my mom is not agree. Second, I don't want to suffer another surgery and can't have my health back. I have some surgeries in my past. I know it just can prevent to get worse but not get well. Feel better may be, but the health before the surgery would never come back. I know that very well. I know the doctor that I have is one of the expert already, but I still don't want to have it. First financial, second, my living.

I know my health is getting worse and my that day will come very soon.

I am very exhaust now, both in spiritual and health. I want to take some rest, I don't know how long would it be. I really don't know. But some people still pushing me to get job and it made me stress...